Dating Tips For Men

Reality television, the “crack cocaine of programming”, promises that their viewers will get unscripted, and unabashed access to the participant’s lives (Lauzen, 445 and Brancato, 49). Reality television made up 60% of Fox’s prime time programming in 2004 and with the recent writer’s strike (and subsequent cancellation of many scripted shows) more reality shows have popped up to fill in the blanks while needed because they are relatively cheap (Lauzen, 445). Even though reality television is questionable most of the time, it is a mirror that is pointing itself back at society, reflecting many of our beliefs about things we have internalized long ago-gender being one of them.

Reality television often casts in stereotypes so that their audience can easily seek them but these stereotypes often assume conservative stereotypes of “what men and women should act like, look like, and expect from each other (Lauzen, 447). Common stereotypes are “the antagonizer who is ‘not here to make friends’….the naïve waif, who’s searching for ‘Prince Charming’; the slut who plots to ‘take our connection to the next level’; and the wretched weeper who wonders, when dumped, ‘What’s so wrong with me that someone cannot love me’ (Pozner, 16).” These stereotypes often are what lead us to acquire in the good/bad girl dichotomy that can cause shameful internal conflict within young women.

Lets recognize at Reality Dating Programs, which can range from awkward blind dates to competing for a proposal. To get an understanding of how fast the genre has flourished, in1997 there were three reality dating shows and in 2004 there was over 30 (Zurbriggen, 02). MTV has a wide array of shows that they target at girls that are still in middle school and it is through these shows that our youth is starting to learn about sexuality and sexual norms (Manganis, 02).

A research project was done on three hundred and forty three, eighteen to twenty-four year veteran college students and how various aspects of their life correlated with how many reality dating shows they consumed (Zurbriggen, 11). Surprisingly, males reported to watch the dating shows more than females but both sexes enjoyed the shows about the same (Zurbriggen, 13). However, they were many differences among how the shows influenced each sex.

Males had “higher scores for adversarial sexual beliefs, sexual double standards and the importance of appearance in dating (Zurbriggen, 13).” Women, on the other hand, were more likely to believe that the reality show plots and characters are unscripted, seemed to be more affected by the exposure to the highly sexualized charge of the dating shows, and had a correlation between the hours of television watched and an above average sexual appetite (Zurbriggen, 13).

Yet, both genders believed that if you watched dating shows for actual dating advice that you were less likely to have participated in intercourse (Zurbriggen, 14). Also, an “acceptance of recreational sexual intercourse, endorsement of dysfunctional beliefs about relationships and endorsement (by girls) of the importance of appearance,.. endorsement of the beliefs that men are sex driven and that dating is a game and that women are sex objects…” are very common themes that are weaved from many hours of editing into reality dating shows (Zurbriggen, 14).

The other types of reality shows that affect women revolve strictly around the family. Supernanny, Nanny 911, Trading Spouses and Wife Swap all “reveal contemporary American socioeconomic anxieties and simplify complex political issues as they rectify a historically conservative definition of women’s roles in the domestic sphere (Brancato, 49).” Many people have boycotted these shows saying that they are misrepresenting women by bringing back broken-down gender roles from the fifties (Brancato, 49).

Also, sociological factors like race, class, health, etc are barely ever mentioned in these shows-they are the giant elephant in the room that no one wants to discuss but everyone knows it exists (Brancato, 50).

Wife Swap and Trading Spouses are two very similar shows where they take two women away from their husbands and children and have them switch families for a couple months. The entire basis of the show is set up on women being traded (the husband never gets swapped-he just has to put up with a women who is socially as different from his wife as possible), gender roles, and individual opinion and beliefs (Brancato, 51).

The women who are swapped are usually from a different class, region, or accelerate so there is a varied opinion on the gendered roles but if a woman is to extreme it is not uncommon for her temporary “husband” to tell her that her place is in the home (Brancato, 52). The women who follow the more “stale” woman role often “exaggerates differences between men and women”; the “modern” role is seen as more equal and “differences are not emphasized (Brancato,52).” Basically, swapping spouses is such a big hit because it allows us to watch the conflicting roles for women battle against the families, each other and, in the destroy, the women usually come to some sort of compromise with their what they believe their gendered role should be (Brancato, 52). This justifies stereotypes that women are just confused and build their own internal battle of how they should act.

The other family related shows, Supernanny and Nanny 911, both involve parents who have “out-of-control” children. Again, women are “hyper symbolized” because the mother is expected to be the major caretaker of the children and the father is rarely expected to change quite as much as the mother (Brancato, 51). Yet, the families seem to have the same problems every episode, “communication is minimal between husband and wife, children lack consistent discipline and attention, and violence” is very common (Brancato, 53). These problems seem to reflect the rapidly changing structure of family in America’s society.

Another genre that got was substantial in the mid-2000′s was reality television based on receiving plastic surgery to be seen as more beautiful or even to look like their favorite celebrity. The Swan and Outrageous Makeover both gave numerous (mostly relatively younger) women, on average, six different surgeries (Green, 24). The shows received backlash because Feminists called it misogynist, and Plastic Surgeons accused the show of “glossing over the seriousness of the surgeries (Green, 25).” However, the surgeries were made to stare like they were done in one day, and were extremely easy to recover from which is not the case and many people believe that the increase in plastic surgeries could be because of this genre of reality television making plastic surgery seem easier, less painful, and a minor inconvenience on your way into becoming a beautiful swan (Green, 24).

Yet, it is important to add, that not only are females open to the dangers of reality television. There is a genre of reality television out there that is particularly targeting males and those would be Jackass, Viva La Bam and Wildboys; usually they consist of “a large group of young, ostensibly heterosexual men carry out a range of acts that are typically masochistic (Neumeier, 00).” However, the acts they carry out are extremely violent, dangerous to their body and equates masculinity with “the willingness to risk the body in performance (Neumeier, 00).” Yet, it is not uncommon for many people to blow these shows off and say “boys will be boys” but they are potentially as, if not more, dangerous than the other genres of reality television.

The National Institute of Mental Health, in 1994, came to the conclusion that children developed their gender roles according to what they watched on TV (Witt, 01). On television, regardless of if it was reality or scripted, these were the norm: males were more dominant in male-female interaction, men are seen as more “rational, ambitious, smart, competitive, powerful, stable, violent, and tolerant” and women are “sensitive, romantic, attractive, happy, warm, sociable, peaceful, fair, submissive, and timid,” men should be able to perform well, be skillful and strong while women are expected to be “delicate and desirable” and marriage is seen as not being as important to males as it is to females (Witt, 01). Females are expected to compromise for the males and allow them to have dominance.

There seems to be a theme that men are judged on a more rounded scale-they can be smart, athletic, attractive, or various other things. However, people seem to think (and reality television justifies there belief) that if a woman is not seen as being stereotypically attractive then she is “removed from the dating pool all together (Seltzer, 24). If she is not beautiful it seems people believe she is not worth anyone’s time, respect or attention.

Unfortunately, women of color are fairly exclusive in reality television and they are often kicked off the show within the first three or four episodes. Also, the treatment of some of these women is appalling. On The Swan, they got rid of an Asian girls monolidded eyelids and reduced the size of an African-American girl’s lips (Andrejevic, 175). It should have been seen as a slap in the face to every African-American and Asian-American but it barely caused an uproar and most people overlooked it (Andrejevic, 176). Not only, are reality television shows racist and sexist but I believe that they are also extremely ageist. On most reality television shows the women are under the age of 35 and are thin, and attractive (Witt, 02).

Reality television justifies the same prejudices that every citizen of America faces on a daily basis. Yet, we still are not discussing the sociological impact of television and the majority of people still watch it blindly. So much for reality if it is leaving many of it’s viewers faceless and non-existent.

Essentially, no one can blame the actual shows for being completely degrading since all the contestants are willing participants. However, I believe that it is evident that these shows could give skewed perceptions of sexuality, beauty and unhealthy gender beliefs to the youth of America and that it is despicable that networks are releasing so many of these shows because they are cost-efficient. Potentially, this could be very damaging to the naïve minds of our children, especially young females.

Bibliography

Andrejevic, Mark. Reality TV: The Work of Being Watched. New York: Rowman and
Littlefield, 2004.

Brancato, Jim. “Domesticating Politics: The Representation of Wives and Mothers in American
Reality
Television.” Film and History. 37.2 (2006): 49-56

Dozier, David M., Elizabeth Cleveland, and Martha M. Lauzen. “Genre Matters: an
Examination of
Women Working Behind the Scenes and on-Screen Portrayls in

Reality
and Scripted Prime-Time Programming.” Sex Roles 55 (2006): 447-455.

Green, Michelle. “Beautiful Dreamers.” People. New York: 2002.

Neumeier, Beate. “The Erotics and Politics of Masochistic Self-Abjection in Jackass.” Gender Forum.18: 25.

Pozner, Jennifer. “The Unreal World.” Ms. Magazine. Fall 2004.

Reiss, Steven, and James Wiltz. “Why America Loves Reality TV.” Psychology Today.
Sep/Oct 2001.

Seltzer, Sarah.”The (Girl) Geek Stands Alone.”Bitch: A Feminist Response to Pop Culture.Winter2008.

Witt, Susan. The Influence of Television on Children’s Gender Role Socialization. The
University of Akron. 30 March 2008.

Zurbriggen, Eileen L., and Elizabeth M. Morgan. “Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire? Reality
Dating, Television Programs, Attitudes Toward Sex, and Sexual

Behavior.” Sex Roles.
54 (2006): 1-17.

Related Posts

• Dontdatehimgirl.com The New Dating Resource for Women – Dating Advice Forum (0)
• A Life on the Internet (0)

I had always wanted to live overseas, but when the opportunity came about I found that I was not nearly as prepared as I had thought I would be. Living in a foreign country can be an overwhelming experience. The language and customs are probably very different from what you are accustomed to. It can also be difficult to be so far away from family and friends. From January of 2007 until November 2008, I lived with my Norwegian husband in Oslo, Norway. While he worked I found ways to adjust to a very different lifestyle. Here are some tips that made the transition easier for me.

Expat Tip Number One – Learn the Language
The first thing I did, even before arriving in Oslo, was to register for Norwegian language lessons. I arrived on a Saturday and began language lessons the following Monday. The lessons were intense, four hours a day five days a week. By week two we were speaking only Norwegian. I struggled and after having lived two years in the country am still far from fluent. I did however learn enough to make simple conversation, and to complete simple tasks like grocery shopping. I also met many other expats from around the world who became close friends.

Expat Tip Number Two – Join The American Women’s Club
Many large cities around the world have American Women’s Club. Joining the AWC Oslo chapter was one of the best things I did while I was living abroad. It provided me with the opportunity to meet and mingle with other American women who were living around me. AWC Oslo had monthly meetings and several monthly activities. I found that there were well over 1,000 American Women living in the Oslo area. Many of the women that I had met had been living overseas for decades. They provided me with many useful tips from where to shop for American staples like Snickers bars and pancake mix to how to register to vote abroad and how to get a Norwegian driver’s license. It was also through the American Women’s Club that I learned about another organization for Expats, The International Forum.

The International Forum was an organization comprised of Expats from all around the world. The International Forum offered a variety of different clubs from book clubs to language clubs. Through this organization I joined a Norwegian conversation group comprised of both Norwegian women and expats who were alive to in improving their Norwegian language skills. The club would meet twice a month at one of the member’s homes for lunch and conversation. It was a fun way to improve my language skills and to meet many interesting women from around the world.

Expat Tip Number Three – Obtain a Job or Volunteer
While I was living abroad my husband was working long hours as a financial professional for a Norwegian Company and my two teenage sons were back in the US attending school (at least for the first few months). I needed something to do and with my slight Norwegian language skills a job in my field (marketing) was difficult to obtain. I was however able to do some volunteer work for the Red Cross, where I helped organize a social event and put together some marketing brochures. The work, even though it was unpaid, helped me feel useful and got me out of the house around other people. It also enabled me to practice the language and to preserve my Marketing skills up to date.

Expat Tip Number Four – Join a Gym
Exercise is important for keeping your energy and spirits high. While living in Oslo, I joined Elixia, one of Norway’s most popular gyms. At the gym I was able to hold yoga, and cardio classes. There were even several English speaking instructors which was a great bonus.

Expat Tip Number Five – Keep in Touch with Family and Friends Back Home.
Email and the Internet have made it so easy to keep in touch with those far away. Another great product which I highly recommend to any Expat living far from family is Skype. The most difficult aspect of my living abroad during the first few months was being away from my teenage sons, who stayed behind to finish school, before joining me during the summer. Skype is inexpensive way to not only talk to those who are far away, but to see them as well. We spoke everyday via skype and the web cams attached to our computers.

Living in a foreign country can be a incredible experience, but it can also be difficult and at times lonely. In my opinion what you can gain from the experience far outweigh the hardship. If you are already living abroad and are finding it difficult, try some of these tips and see if you can have a more positive experience living abroad.

Related Posts

• Gambling – Keeping Your Money Safe Online! (0)
• Avoiding that First Date from Hell – First Date Conversation Tips (0)

Being married doesn’t mean that the fun is over. Sometimes that’s when the fun really begins.

My husband, wise soul that he is, knew that more than I did. When we got married 14 years ago, he insisted that we continue to date. I just didn’t see the point of it at first. I mean, we’re married now. The dawdle is over, right? We can just settle into life and be comfortable instead of all that fakey opening-the-door-for-me stuff that goes with dating.

Over time, I’ve gained a new appreciation for being treated well. When our children were born, there seemed to be much more important things than dating to anguish about. We had this beautiful baby that I was just focusing on keeping alive. There was nothing wrong with him. I’d fair never been a mother before, and I didn’t want to screw it up.

My husband insisted that I take my eyes off the baby and focus on him once in a while. At first I found this to be very selfish of him. I mean, this baby is growing and changing every five seconds, and I don’t want to miss a moment.

Once again, I was wrong, but it’s very easy to get wrapped up in other things, and assume that because your spouse is a capable adult, that your relationship should take care of itself.

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

Half of all marriages die in this country. A spacious portion of these, I would suspect, die of neglect, plain and simple. When you pick a car, you take the time to get tune-ups, wash and clean it out every so often, and change the oil. This is honest basic maintenance for a thing you’ve bought.

Marriages need basic maintenance too, or they will cease to run well. The consequences of a marriage breaking down are far worse and much more far-reaching than that of a car breaking down. Objective because you can go derive another marriage doesn’t mean that’s always a good plan. Take the time to take care of your relationship. Feed it by dating regularly and watch it grow.

There is absolutely no good reason for not dating your spouse. Accept ways to overcome these common objections

The children are in the way.

Children throw a serious monkey wrench into romance. As much as you treasure them, you’ve got to get away from them sometimes, and that’s okay. I was so surprised, on our first date after my oldest son was born, to feel how much of a weight was lifted from my shoulders when I finally worked up the nerve to leave him alone with my mother for the first time. It was like a physical weight lifted from my shoulders. I still feel that relief when my husband and I walk away from the house, our four children safely home with our babysitter. When we come home, both my husband and I have more to give to the kids. It strengthens us to be better parents, every time. It sets a great example for your kids, and you may be helping their future relationships as well.

Babysitters can be hard to find sometimes, so make a point of cultivating possible babysitting possibilities. Trust is a vital factor. One teenage babysitter thought it was fun to climb on our roof. Another thought it was silly to threaten the kids with chef knives from our kitchen (just kidding, she said). Out the door, I said.

We’ve finally gathered some consistently good teenage babysitters at this point. We’ve also made a point of looking around at those of our friends who also have small children, and we offer to swap with them whenever we can. You watch our kids one week, we watch your kids another week. Babysitting’s free, it frees up to have dates at home if you’d like to, and the kids make new friends.

Older kids can babysit, but be aware of the dynamics between your children. Older siblings sometimes can make life intolerable for younger ones when keep in charge. Make positive that you lay down the ground rules, and check with the younger kids to create sure that they’re not being tortured in your absence.

Sometimes babysitting is completely out of the question. Everyone’s not available. It’s a perfectly good backup date to put the kids to bed early with some toys or books to read while you spend some time alone in the bedroom playing a game. Playing some music in the background will provide enough white noise that you will have some privacy. Playing a board game together, watching a movie, reading a book, snuggling, massages…there’s lots of possibilities.

We can’t afford to date.

If you can afford to live, you can afford to date. Walking is free. Watching TV is free. The library is free. If money is a factor, as it often is, get creative. The key is to make it special. Make something together. Work on a hobby or project together. Go grocery shopping together without the kids. Time is free, and we all have the same amount of it. Settle to spend some on the person you cherish.

We’ve got too many responsibilities; we’re too busy.

Why did you get married if you don’t want to exercise time with your spouse? Even if there’s a wedge between you, getting together to talk will give you the opportunity to clear the air. Find dates where you can spend time together. Find a book of questions, and ask one on every date. Talk. You will find out things you never knew about this person you thought you knew everything about, and that fascination of getting to know someone new will return, and so will romance along with it.

Call it an appointment instead of a date, and no one at work will think twice about trying to interrupt you with some other priority. Write it down in your calendar, and be religious about dating each other. You’ll get a lot of returns from this one action?

I wouldn’t know what to do on a date.

Dating when you’re married is a dinky different from dating as a single person. You’ve got more options. The main thing is deciding what to do. What activities do you like to do? What does your spouse like to do? If you can’t decide on something to do, make a deal with each other. One week your spouse gets to settle, then you get to choose. Find out how much time you really need to connect. I’ve found that for us, a minimum of four hours is proper for us to shake off the ball-and-chain thing and really have fun together.

I’ll give you one warning here. I’ve found from my own experience as well as from watching others that’s a tendency for habits to form. We go to the movies every Friday, or we watch this TV show together, and that’s our thing. That’s what we do. There’s this calcification that sets in, and you start to dig a rut together. Ruts are not good things in a relationship.

Make a point to mix things up. Go shopping (or window shopping). Look for free stuff in your neighborhood to do. Surprise each other if you like surprises. Do something or go somewhere that neither of you have ever done or gone to. If your dates are all at home, go out once in a while. Young mothers in particular really need to get out of the house very badly. If you go out all the time, spend the evening in occasionally. Sometimes half the fun of dating is thinking up what to do next, and anticipating how much fun you’re going to have together.

It’s too hard. Dating isn’t supposed to be work.

It’s undeniable. You have to exert a certain amount of effort to keep a marriage fresh. But it’s so worth it. After fourteen years, my husband still gives me flowers when we’re going grocery shopping, and holds the door open for me, and chances are good he’ll keep doing it long after the kids have grown and moved out.

That’s the thing to remember. Those little birds living with you now will someday spread their wings and fly. What will you see when you look at your spouse when that happens? A distant stranger, or a friend you’ve spent your life with and had many marvelous adventures together? Dating is the key. Don’t wait until the kids are grown. By then it may be too late.

Related Posts

• Islamic Schools or Terrorism Camps – Teenage Dating Rules (0)

Speed seduction is a topic that is getting a lot of attention. An air of excitement and taboo surrounds it. Maybe you’ve heard of Ross Jeffries’s speed seduction seminars. You may have seen or heard of “The Pick Up Artist” on VH1 in which Mystery, a pickup guru, teaches “AFCs” (average frustrated chumps) to flirt with shapely women and become pick-up artists.

There are many interesting social implications to the art of speed seduction (also known as “game”). The more I study the techniques of speed seduction, flirtation, and dating, the more I realize that these techniques can be used in any situation, whether it be flirtation and casual dating, friendly encounters, or even business or work-related interactions. The arts of seduction and flirtation are the oldest in the world.

If you’re having trouble dating (and we could all use some help with dating), here are some rush seduction techniques that will put you on the path to becoming a pick-up artist. Learn the basics to flirting, dating, and seducing anyone you desire:

Establish Rapport and Interest

–Mirroring

Pick-up artists understand that most of our communication is established through body language. As you mirror someone’s body language, it will be subconsciously picked up (by the other person) that you have the same internal state (emotions, beliefs, ideas, patterns).

Remember, this is not an exercise in mimicry. Do not repeat their gestures and body language exactly, but close enough so that he/she can subconsciously pick it up.

The pick-up artist will remember which gestures express specific internal states and will mirror them to increase the subject’s level of comfort and sexual excitement.

–Maintain Eye Contact

Eye contact shows interest and confidence. It is a key element in flirtation. You don’t have to stare the person down, but make positive that they know you’re there. It communicates that you’re not too worried or primitive to be dating them. The general rule is to make as much eye contact as your date or pick-up is comfortable with.

The pick-up artist lives by the 3 second rule. If you make search for contact across a room, make sure to approach and begin flirting within 3 seconds. If you think too much about the approach, then you’ve probably already failed.

The pickup artist trusts his instincts and acts on them.

–Establish Authority In Their World

In the art of speed seduction, it’s important to let the other person know that you recognize and understand their internal and external world. If they bring up a subject of their interest, then show them that you’re knowledgeable about that subject. Aid them discover and explore their internal world, as well.

Be perceptive. If you inspect that they’re feeling a certain way (by their body language) then perhaps you can preface a sentence with “I know you’re feeling _____, and wouldn’t it be nice to feel ____ again. Have you ever felt so _____ that you just wanted to ______….” You can shift the conversation toward whatever subject, mood, or image you want (and watch his/her “state” change).

The master pickup artist will take their date or pick-up through a series of dynamic state changes in one speed seduction session.

–Elicit Their Values

Causing the subject to qualify themselves (example: “What are your best three qualities, besides your beauty? “) has major effects in the speed seduction process:

1. It shows the subject that you are interested in more than their physical appearance

2. Demonstrating that their physical beauty does not control you, but that you are in control of yourself.

3. Weeding out people that only rely on their physical beauty to fetch what they want (have no personality)

4. Displaying higher social value

5. Causing your date to become more submissive

6. Increasing your date’s “buying temperature” (their level of sexual excitement)

7. Forcing them to flirt with you more, using their strongest asset (usually their physical beauty) to impress you and maintain your attention

–Elicit Their Method of Internal Experience

When the pickup artist asks about their date’s (most intense) experiences, the person will give away their keywords to prefer the experiences. These keywords are linked to their physical and emotional states.

The pickup artist links those states to himself by describing his own experiences with his date’s keywords.

Pickup artists use these keywords (in combination with touch) to escalate the subject’s state, sexual excitement, and “buying temperature.”

Displaying Higher Social Value

There are several techniques in speed seduction to display social value, but the important thing is to gain sure that you don’t come off as bragging or arrogant. Keep a humorous attitude (known as Cocky and Droll).

–False Time Constraint

Essentially, let the person know that you’re busy, have several other options, and don’t have much time to be with them. “My friends and I were going to hit the ____ bar in a bit, but I thought I’d buy some time to chat up some pretty people until ____ “. This will bring your date’s automatic guard down.

–Maintain a Relaxed Posture

It is important to control and be aware of your body language when dating and seducing. You’ve seen those movies where beautiful people enter the room and everything goes slow motion. As you walk, move in a relaxed and slow gait.

Remember this attitude: you have nowhere special to be, except for where you are, because that is where everything happens anyway.

–Use Negs and Takeaways

In the gaming / speed seduction circle, “negs” are when dating or picking up a person who is numbed to being hit on. When seducing a very beautiful or high status date, employ this technique.

A “neg” is NOT an insult; it is a backhanded compliment. It could even imply (and usually does) that you have little sexual interest your date. This raises your absorb social status and drops theirs at the same time. Only use a neg on dates and pickups that have higher status than you. Two or three should be enough.

The pickup artist uses negs to even the playing field, point to social value, establish control, and distinguish himself from AFCs.

Takeaways are when you offer something up, and just as your date becomes interested in more, you subtly take it away. This kind of teasing will really heat up your dating experience. Make sure you leave your date wanting more, because they’ll flirt harder to get it.

Kino

Kino is speed seduction lingo for kinesthetic (touch or physical). Touching is extremely important in flirting and dating.

The pickup artist touches with broad, brushing motions, rather than pointed, jabby ones. If your date is resistant, touch areas that are rarely touched in a sexual way. Your date will have no negatives experience attached to those areas of their body.

The pickup artist always uses kino when their date is in a positive state. This is called “anchoring.” Activate this anchor throughout the date to recall that positive emotion simply by touching them in the same way.

The ABC

Always Be Closing. In the art of speed seduction, if you’re not moving for your next objective (escalating), then you’re being left behind. If you’re thinking “should I ____”, then you’re too late.

Do it already! It might feel awkward the first few times (and trust me, they can sense it), but the more practice you have, the smoother you’ll be. At that point, they’ll have no choice but to share the experience with you.

Remember: Two steps forward, One step back

Keep these speed seduction basics in mind, and I guarantee you that the art of seducing, flirting with, and dating a potential mate will be much easier. Once you master these dating techniques, nothing can hold you back. You’ll be dating people that you used to be afraid to talk to, much less flirt with. Remember, the knowledge of speed seduction is shared, but the karma is yours.

Related Posts

• The Ultimate Guide to Season Two of Arrested Development – Flirting Quotes (0)
• How to Master the Flirting Game – Flirting Lines (0)
• Online Dating Tips – Dating Tips (0)
• How to Properly Apply Eye Cosmetics – Flirting Lines (0)

You are entering the dating world again, maybe you never left. There are things you need to know in order to be successful on a first date. The rules are different for those over 40. Implement these tips and ensure you are not turning someone off before you turn them on.

1. Don’t dress like you are 20. That does not mean you can’t be sexy, just be age appropriate. Nothing is worse than someone who is trying to hold on to their youth by wearing an inappropriate outfit. If you have great legs, wear a mini skirt, objective don’t make it a macro-mini skirt. If your shoulders are an asset, wear something off the shoulder, but avoid a tube top. Dressing age appropriate conveys that you are comfortable with who you are confident in your style. Be sexy at 40.

2. Don’t talk too much. No one likes a chatty Cathy. Conversations involve two people, avoid long dissertations about anything. The idea is for you both to get to know each other, how mighty can you learn if you are doing all the talking? It is very hard to gauge someone’s reaction if they can’t get a word in edgewise. Margaret Shepherd, author of The Art of Civilized Conversation says that good conversationalist go outside themselves and are very aware of the other person. She goes on to say that when we first meet someone showing interest in them is much more attractive than the alternative.

3. Don’t be gross to others. Your date will steal up on how you treat others as a potential for how you treat them. Don’t insult the server at dinner; don’t lose your patience if your reservation is late. Smile at others, offer a kind word or gesture to another person. Your date will spy how friendly you are toward others and measure your character based on your actions. Be nice to everyone around you and demonstrate patients with shortcomings.

4. Establish boundaries. Particularly around drinking and smoking. Show your date that you are respectful of yourself and others. Obviously if you smoke, you don’t want to hide it from your date, but find out how they feel about you smoking in the car before you light one up. Don’t get drunk, that impartial causes a whole other set of problems, set boundaries for future dates with your behavior on the first date. There is nothing more offending that running up a high bar bill in a restaurant on your first date. It also conveys a message that you are a party girl and you won’t be taken seriously.

5. Don’t be too independent. Men like to be needed. If you convey that you are too independent that can be threatening to a man. Don’t be needy, but allow your date to open the door for you, allow your date to assist you. This does not go against feminism, actually it is impartial appreciating that you are not locked in to doing everything on your own. It conveys that you are open to being part of a team; it demonstrates that you can work together as a couple.

6. Avoid making “I will never” statement. Let’s face it, we all change, and we are all doing things today that we never thought we would be doing years ago. Avoid saying things like, “I will never move to the city.” Or, “I will never vacation outside of the country.” These things may be true now, but what if this does not meet your date’s 5 year plan. That does not mean that you will have to do something you don’t want to do, it just allows him appreciate you before you start drawing the line.

7. Avoid being confrontational. Many times people fall into this trap by trying to convey their knowledge on a subject, but that can be done without arguing. This will scare a man off and he will have to decide if he wants to spend time arguing with you every time he takes you out. Avoid being confrontational by avoiding topics like politics or religion. It is pleasurable to identify if you are spiritual or religious, conservative or liberal, but avoid trying to convince your date why your plan is right. Your way might just lead to the highway.

8. Don’t talk about the ex. There is objective no way to do this effectively, if the subject comes up, make a generic statement that you learned a lot in that relationship but it was time to move on. If you speak to highly of the ex, your date might feel like he has to compete in a no win situation. If you talk bad about your ex, you appear bitter and resentful. Two traits that don’t need to be seen on a first date. Dr Gilda Carle, PhD, and relationship expert says that it is no one’s business so don’t detail your sorry love life. Avoid the topic all together, if it comes up, simply invent a brief statement and move on.

9. Don’t section too considerable. Again, the goal is to get to know each other. By sharing too much about your life gives details that a first date impartial isn’t ready for. You are being measured on everything you say. Keep it light and breezy. This includes talking about the future. Avoid statements like “I want to come by married.” Or, “I want to be a foster parent.” This may not fit into the notion of your date’s future. Now that doesn’t mean it won’t happen, but the right things will all happen at the right time with the right person. Create a bit of mystery regarding your life. Let your date ponder you after the date ends. Let him visualize how you fit into his life by not giving everything up on the first date.

10. Avoid flaunting your status. It is great to talk about your love for skiing and a particular mountain experience that you had, but avoid saying things like; “I take a ski vacation to the Alps every January.” This communicates a status image that your date may not be comfortable with. Be humble; don’t be snobbish, it communicates an image that is just not flattering.

The last piece of advice is a bonus for those on a first date after 40.

11. Don’t sleep with him on the first date. No matter how mighty you want to, or how well the date is going. This should be avoided in every circumstance. Waiting before you jump into bed communicates that you take yourself seriously and that you do not want to jeopardize the potential friendship with a one night stand. Let him anticipate the prize. If you give it up too soon, he will not respect you and immediately will assume that you sleep with everyone you go out with. Not only could this be more competition than he is interested in, this diminishes the value of the act. His self esteem will gather a boost if you wait to make sure he is worth it.

Related Posts

• Ace Your First Date and Create a Lasting Impression – First Date Advice (0)
• Online Dating Tips – Dating Tips (0)
• Unique Date Ideas for Any Couple – Unique Date Ideas (0)
• Top Ten Romantic Winter Date Ideas – Summer Date Ideas (0)